Call-Back Review: "The Bar Code Tattoo" by Suzanne Weyn

Had a long and tough week, so I didn't get a review written up.  So here's a review from my YA Lit class last spring.

Title: The Bar Code Tattoo
Author: Suzanne Weyn
Publisher: Scholastic
Date of Publication: September 1, 2004
Reading Level: Elementary and junior high school

Synopsis: (from Goodreads)
Individuality vs. Conformity
Identity vs. Access
Freedom vs. Control
The bar code tattoo. Everybody's getting it. It will make your life easier, they say. It will hook you in. It will become your identity.

But what if you say no? What if you don't want to become a code? For Kayla, this one choice changes everything. She becomes an outcast in her high school. Dangerous things happen to her family. There's no option but to run...for her life.

My Review:
I'm seeing this trend with novels - the premise sounds so good and really promising.  Until you actually read it and it's a piece of crap.  Maybe I'm getting to this point in my life where all these crazy neighborhood kids are on my literary lawn and throwing their trashy love-triangles through my character-driven windows.

As a dystopian novel, this book had so much potential. Everyone is forced to get a bar code tattooed on their wrist that contains all their financial, health and personal information. That has to be a pretty interesting story, right?

Unfortunately, this story falls woefully flat. The plot is little more than Character A moves to Plot Point 2 and must fall in love with Character B who is really working for Villain Gamma. Character C is forced to move across country with her family and has little bearing on the actual plot, but Character A needs a best friend in this formula. Weyn probably needed three times as many pages to tell the story she was aiming to tell in a short story format (the author’s note at the end says that she originally began this as a short story). None of the important scenes get the development they need in order to bring the reader into the story. It’s almost like everything is just background noise. Plus, the ending is very contrived - having the bar code somehow frustrates evolution so much that people without the bar codes start developing psychic powers. Even for a science-fiction story, that is too far-fetched.

This book obviously has an agenda to push and while many authors’ beliefs seep into their stories in subtle ways, Weyn’s beliefs don’t “seep” as much as they flood the plotline, overshadow any semblance of a story and the whole thing comes across as preachy and arrogant (doesn’t help that there’s the obligatory love-triangle thrown in there just as an afterthought).

This could have been a very well-crafted story of how people get so caught up in the new trends and technology of society and even follow big corporations and big government policies blindly to their downfall, but it just doesn’t work here. There’s not enough background on the characters to make the reader care about them. If I were a teen reading this book, I would be insulted that I was expected to take this premise seriously (evidently there’s a sequel. I don’t know why).

Bottom Line: I'll let Snape speak for me here.



Where's my copy of "The Hunger Games?" Sheesh...

"Let's Be Friends" and What that SHOULD Mean

Title: The Actor and the Housewife
Author: Shannon Hale
Publisher: Bloomsbury
Publication Date: June 9, 2009

Synopsis (from Goodreads) -

What if you were to meet the number-one person on your laminated list—you know, that list you joke about with your significant other about which five celebrities you’d be allowed to run off with if ever given the chance? And of course since it’ll never happen it doesn’t matter…

Mormon housewife Becky Jack is seven months pregnant with her fourth child when she meets celebrity hearththrob Felix Callahan. Twelve hours, one elevator ride, and one alcohol-free dinner later, something has happened…though nothing has happened. It isn’t sexual. It isn’t even quite love. But a month later Felix shows up in Salt Lake City to visit and before they know what’s hit them, Felix and Becky are best friends. Really. Becky’s husband is pretty cool about it. H er children roll their eyes. Her neighbors gossip endlessly. But Felix and Becky have something special…something unusual, something completely impossible to sustain. Or is it? A magical story, The Actor and the Housewife explores what could happen when your not-so-secret celebrity crush walks right into real life and changes everything.

My Review:

It's Saturday night, I'm home with my parents and siblings. We're all cooking pork ribs in preparation for Sunday's potluck after church. Dad's specialty for these church parties is barbecue pork - browned to perfection, drenched in KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce and baked overnight in his campfire-precision Dutch ovens. Put those on a plate with a hearty side of roast potatoes and a green salad - and you have the gloriousness of a post-Sunday meetings feast (as long as nobody forgets the chocolate cake).

The phone rings and Dad checks the caller ID. He smiles at me and says "It's for you."

Let me backup. I'd been dating this guy - I'm gonna call him Spongebob for reasons that will become clear later - for about a month. In my dating-starved social life, that was an eternity. And I will be the first to admit that I really liked the guy. As in, I liked the guy. As in, I was ready for a serious relationship. Sure, it had only been three actual dates, but we'd talked on the phone, we'd texted and we'd chatted online. We'd met when a young couple from our church set us up on a blind date and (I thought) we had hit it off. He'd asked me out on two more dates and I was ecstatic about the whole thing. Spongebob was a wonderful guy - he had a great job, he treated me well and he seemed to like me a lot. So, I was thrilled when he'd called me.

In order to have some privacy, I took the cordless phone and walked to the bottom of the stairs away from the kitchen and the family (who were certainly whispering excitedly amongst themselves). I said hello and Spongebob said hello back. We talked for a minute - and then he dropped in this little nugget:

"Well, you know I like you" (heart skips a beat) "and I think you're a nice girl" (okay… where is this going?) "but I think we'd be better off as friends."

Poo.

I'm really not sure what happened at this point… I think I tried to be polite, even though it might be just as likely that I swore at the bugger. I hung up the phone and sat on the stairs for another minute, trying to remember where I left my legs because I certainly couldn't feel them attached to my body. I must have found them again because the next thing I remember was coming face-to-face with my family, who were all eagerly anticipating my next news - surely I would be going out with him again. I started to cry and my mom took me in her arms and hugged me tight.

The story doesn't end there. The next day at church, I had to face the people who had set me and Spongebob up. I didn't want to be rude or anything, but I certainly didn't want to recount the phone call. When the couple asked me how things we going with Spongebob, I said "fine," but then my dear, sweet 7-year-old cousin piped up and said "I thought he broke up with you!"

Turns out that was the best thing that could have happened there because the couple said something to the effect of "Oh, he does this to every girl we set him up with!"

Number one - I wasn't the only one these two had set Spongebob up with? Number two - What do you mean every girl? Turns out that Spongebob breaks it off with every girl he's had three dates with. Evidently, he takes seriously the old adage in the movie "Hitch" - "Three dates … will tell [you] everything [you] need to know about the relationship." And evidently, if he doesn't feel "it" in three dates, then it's adios - friend.

I tell this humiliating tale to get a glimpse at how I came to the book The Actor and the Housewife by Shannon Hale. The premise of this story is that Becky, an average housewife from Utah, meets Felix, a sophisticated, flashy, famous actor from Hollywood, and they become best friends in every sense of the word. At first, it's a little weird because Felix is one of those "heartthrob" actors that women are supposed to go ape-nuts for (which, who the crap even knows what a "heartthrob" really is) and people think that Becky - who is a happily married mother of four - is about to run off with Felix. But that never happens. Becky and Felix are able to have a mature and fun (and funny - oh my gosh, these two are HILARIOUS!) friendship while still being committed and faithful to their spouses.

Personally, I think that it's possible for men and women to have platonic friendships - and not any of this bogus "Oh, we dated once, but I got bored of you so I'm going to cast you off and call it being a friend" BS. Yes, I know this is a work of fiction (how many people in this lifetime meet their celebrity crushes and become friends with them in real life? Some people might, but not very many), but this is a truly refreshing story in the vein of a romantic comedy.

I actually listened to the audiobook and I have to give major props to Christina Moore for her reading. Sometimes when a female does voices for male characters, it just sounds like a woman doing a man's deep voice (and not very well). But I love Moore's Felix voice and I love her voice for Mike (Becky's husband) and the other male characters. It actually sounds like a man's voice - if that doesn't sound too terribly weird. Also, her French accented Celeste (Felix's wife) isn't too shabby either (dear heaven, I love Celeste!)

Anyway - The Actor and the Housewife is more than a fluffy comedic read. There are a lot of lovely little moments between Becky and Mike in that you never for a second believe that Becky would leave Mike for Felix. You even get angry when Becky's friends and family (and the media, at one point) suggest otherwise. Because, you know, men and women are completely and utterly incapable of self-control and never, ever, EVER know when they're about to cross a line and simply cannot wait to jump into bed with one another because - seriously - what else is there to do with a member of the opposite sex? They certainly wouldn't have entertaining and enjoyable conversation and share life's ups and downs with this wonderful friend. No, no, no - life is all about getting into someone else's pants.

This book actually justifies that sarcastic rant and how stupid people's assumptions about male-female friendships are (both in and out of the story). More than that - it's about sharing life's joys and heartbreaks with that one true bosom buddy that you can turn to (and boy howdy, are there plenty of joys and heartbreaks in Becky's and Felix's lives. I almost didn't want to get out of the car at a few points because I was just so emotionally invested in the story).

I love this book because it represents so many things that I want in my life - I would totally love a friend like Felix. Not necessarily a drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood actor, but someone to bounce humorous ideas and thoughts off of - someone who understands all of my life's peaks and valleys and who would trust me with their own ups and downs. The best metaphor actually comes from the story - Becky says that Mike has her heart and soul and she is totally in love with him and he's totally in love with her. But Felix is her liver. She still needs her liver and it's required for life, but he's not her heart (Felix responds to this by having liver-shaped gold pendants made for both of them. It is blankety-blanking adorable).

I realize that this story is very much steeped in a fantasy - and Becky even admits in-story that there are way too many coincidences in this situation and there's no way this could have happened just on a whim. But the lightness and joy of the story makes you suspend disbelief long enough to love and appreciate what Shannon Hale was aiming for with this book. So, if you want a book that will make you laugh and make you cry and make you find joy in your family and friend relationships, I would wholeheartedly recommend The Actor and the Housewife!

(And I will sit here and bemoan the fact that "Twilight" is a popular novel about relationships, but Shannon Hale remain relatively unknown. It is my sworn mission to make Shannon Hale even more popular than Stephenie Meyer because heaven knows that Shannon Hale's books deserve it a thousand times more than that "Twilight" idiocy does.)

Dragon Whiskers, Dragon Teeth and a Dragon Nose - Review of "Dragon Slippers" by Jessica Day George

Title: Dragon Slippers
Author: Jessica Day George
Publisher: Bloomsbury
Publication Date: March 27, 2007
Reading Level: Age 7 and up
Series: First of a series, followed by Dragon Flight and Dragon Spear

Synopsis: (from Goodreads) –
Many stories tell of damsels in distress, who are rescued from the clutches of fire-breathing dragons by knights in shining armor, and swept off to live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those stories.

True, when Creel's aunt suggests sacrificing her to the local dragon, it is with the hope that the knight will marry Creel and that everyone (aunt and family included) will benefit handsomely. Yet it's Creel who talks her way out of the dragon's clutches. And it's Creel who walks for days on end to seek her fortune in the king's city with only a bit of embroidery thread and a strange pair of slippers in her possession.

But even Creel could not have guessed the outcome of this tale. For in a country on the verge of war, Creel unknowingly possesses not just any pair of shoes, but a tool that could be used to save her kingdom…or destroy it.

My Review:
This first came to my attention after a 7-year-old girl came to the library looking for books about dragons. Well, I’m not much of a dragon aficionado, my experience being limited to the movie Pete’s Dragon and the Eragon series (punch me in the face, those books are horrible) and that one of the Four Gods in Fushigi Yugi is a dragon (that show is actually pretty good – but I have a branch of anime-nerd in my geek pedigree. I refuse to be called an otaku, however). I know there’s an Anne-somebody-or-something that writes novels about dragons, but I didn’t think those appropriate for a young child of seven. So, one of the actual, proper librarians that isn’t an intern came to my rescue and suggested that I direct the girl to Dragon Slippers by Jessica Day George. Not being one to recommend things without reading them (though I do trust this librarian’s advice), I decided to give this a shot.

And my goodness, was this a fun little story! (Yes, it merits an exclamation point!)

One of the things I love about this is how snarky the dragons are. There’s an exchange early in the book between Creel and Shardas about how the legends of the dragons as these mean, terrible and destructive creatures that keep defenseless maidens captive is a load of bunk and that dragons are more or less content to be left alone to hoard random objects in peace (one dragon collects shoes, another collects live dogs and even takes care of them. Take that, ASPCA!)

Special mention also must go to the character of Princess Amalia. Spoiled rotten and you just want to smack her upside the head – I was grateful that her guardian, the sensible and disciplined Duchess of Mordel, was also in many of the same scenes as Amalia just to balance out Amalia’s abrasiveness. That made Amalia bearable as Creel’s antagonist and also makes what she does later in the book not that surprising at all. Some terrible things do happen in this book as a result of Amalia’s greed (don’t want to spoil it for you – just give a heads-up), but nothing an astute 7-year-old couldn’t handle.

Creel’s relationship with the dragons is especially endearing. Even though her aim is to open up her own dress shop, most of the time I just want her to run off and stay with the dragons. But she gets along well with many of the human characters as well, so it makes a good enough balance and a satisfying read. I did enjoy her interaction with Prince Luka and his mute bodyguard Tobin.

This is categorized as juvenile fiction, but I enjoyed it better than I have most JF fantasy lately (Fablehaven, I’m leering in your direction!) I even enjoyed it more than some YA or adult fantasy I’ve read. This would be great for a third grader – or even advanced second grade reader – to enjoy by themselves or with a parent (parents, if you want to hog it to yourself before you let the third grader in on the action, I would totally understand). But it’s refreshing to see JF fiction trust kids enough to deal with some of the serious things that happen in this book.

Bottom Line: Fun, fluffy read that is nevertheless satisfying and enjoyable.


Bonus Features: Shardas describes his lair as “bigger on the inside than on the outside.” That tickled my geek-senses, let me tell you.

A Girl's Best Friend - Review of "The Princess and the Hound"

Title: The Princess and the Hound
Author:  Mette Ivie Harrison
Publisher: Eos
Publication Date:  May 1, 2007
Reading Level: 12 and up

Synopsis: (from Goodreads) –
He is a prince, heir to a kingdom threatened on all sides, possessor of the animal magic, which is forbidden by death in the land he'll rule.

She is a princess from a rival kingdom, the daughter her father never wanted, isolated from true human friendship but inseparable from her hound.

Though they think they have little in common, each possesses a secret that must be hidden at all costs. Proud, stubborn, bound to marry for the good of their kingdoms, this prince and princess will steal your heart, but will they fall in love?

My Review:
I picked this book up at a local independent bookstore and I hadn’t heard of it until I saw it there.  It looked interesting – also the synopsis proclaimed it as a retelling of “Beauty and the Beast,” which is one of my favorite fairy tales.

It was a little jarring to find that this book is not told from the Princess’ point of view, despite having her name in the title and a princess on the cover.  Now, it doesn’t always happen, but I figure that the character featured in the title would make an appearance in the first five chapters or so.  Not this time – this book is told from Prince George’s point of view.  The main plot of this story is that George was born with the forbidden animal magic, which just means that he can talk to animals in their own language (think Eliza from “The Wild Thornberrys”).  Having this power is akin to being a leper in this land, so the prince has been forced to keep this ability of his a secret his entire life.  His mother had the animal magic and she was “sent away” when George was a young boy (much the way your favorite pet dog was “sent away” while you were at school one day).

George eventually meets Princess Beatrice and becomes engaged to her as a matter of political advantage.  Beatrice does not go anywhere without her hound, Marit, and the girl has an odd relationship with Marit which reveals itself throughout the story (and had the synopsis not spoiled the plot, I would have been more surprised by that development).

I enjoyed this book a lot – until the story ended about fifteen chapters early.  I thought the main plot had resolved itself, but then was treated to another chunk of story about the political ins and outs of running this fairy tale country where animal magic people are discriminated against.  The developments themselves don’t bother me.  What bothered me is that this story. Takes. So. Long. To. End. I hoped that most of that was appendices or some other thing like that – nope, there was another ninety pages to slog through before the story reached its final conclusion.  And I was annoyed.  Not as much as when I read Uglies (because at least this conclusion made some sense), but enough.  There are two more books after this one and I may pick them up, but I’m not in any hurry to do so.